Wednesday, 10 December 2008

• The World Seen from Inside Granny Panties

  

  Have you ever wondered who wears granny panties? Me neither.

  This all started when the nurse who briefed me before my release from the hostpital was helping me get dressed while my husband politely waited nearby. We decided that my yoga pants were the ideal post-surgery wear. She suggested to my husband and me that I buy some granny panties to protect my incision and not have any waistbands near it. I looked at my husband, knowing the errand would fall to him.

  He turned all shades of embarrassed and then later told me that he had no idea what granny panties were.

  We live in a small town, and the errand was guaranteed to be observed by someone who knows him, so I saved him from the errand. I've had several girlfriends rally around me at this time of recovery...Steve and I have only had to cook once in a week and a half. People offered to do any errands while I couldn't drive.

  I waited as long as I could, living in a different pair of soft yoga pants each day. But then we had the big command Christmas reception on base...the one with the town dignitaries and all the base leadership. I had insisted we attend it, and I simply couldn't go commando to that. And so, I commissioned a girlfriend to go buy the granny panties. Seriously, girls, if anyone asks you to buy granny panties for them, it's the highest of girlfriend honors. It means you're THAT close.

  My girlfriend who was going to do the errand for me must have been squirming a little. She called me on the way to the store. Her mom was visiting from out of town and was in the car with her. My girlfriend told me that her mom was the expert when it came to granny panties and that her mom would be selecting the best pack at WalMart. God bless her mom. The mission was a success.

  My darling husband whistled at me in them the other night. I thought he was teasing, but the guy is actually attracted to me in any state. Thank you, God, for such an amazing man.

  I know that nobody out there (except you nuts who are actually reading this ridiculous post) knows I'm walking around any differently than usual, but it's just weird. I mean, I feel like a secret Urkel.

  You know that idiom, "Looking at the world through rose-colored glasses?"

  Well, I have a new one: "Looking at the world from inside granny panties." 

  It means "Feeling like a secret nerd."

  

  I seriously got to thinking, then, about who wears these things. I'm stumped, especially since pants' waist lines have been low for a decade or so. They gave me flashbacks to the little girl underwear I grew up in. But I have no memory of the transition to better, more attractive underwear. That could make for an amusing post...too bad I have no such memories of that rite of passage.

  Does anyone remember their transition?

  • 6:08 PM
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