Monday, 22 June 2009

• Dreaming of Single Girl Angst

  Dreaming of Single Girl Angst

   

  On Friday, I flew to Virginia to spend the weekend with my parents. My mom helped me keep it a surprise for my dad’s 75^th birthday. We managed to pull it off. Boy, was he surprised!!! We had a great time. I returned on Sunday. Too short, but all good.

   

  In the wee hours of Saturday morning, I had a dream that stuck with me.

   

  I was single in the dream, with the same single girl angst that I had for many years. I was anxious to connect with a soul mate of the best friend type, to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. Someone who wanted to share his life fully and to always share the same life path. Not to complete me the way Jesus does, but still give a man-woman sort of completion. I longed for shared experience at the soul level. I was a restless girl until I met Steve, always with a small amount of angst at the soul level, but happy and independent on the surface.

   

  

   

  In the dream, I found myself living alone, away from family, in a quaint small town. I had just quit my job/career. I would never have done this in real life, but in the dream I’d quit without a back up plan.

   

  I was aimless.

   

  I was pressing into God, hoping he’d show me a job or career that was fulfilling. I needed something to do.

   

  

   

  During that aimless joblessness, a young man came to the little town. He was fresh out of veterinarian school. Our local vet had died or moved and left an empty vet clinic and a void in the town’s need for veterinary care. The young vet went to work setting up shop in the abandoned clinic.

   

  It was a nice clinic. There were some veterinary supplies just left in a jumble, so the young man set to work doing an inventory to see what was there and what he’d need. The clinic had been empty for months, so it needed a lot of cleaning.

   

  Without thinking, I knew I wanted to be a part of this. I had $60,000 to my name and I decided to put it all towards re-opening this vet clinic. I wanted to partner with this young man in business.

   

  

   

  Without a conversation with him, I just showed up to help. I helped him clean and inventory. I had no idea if he’d want me for a business partner. I had no idea if he would choose me to be his secretary/receptionist/vet tech. It was such a small town and small practice that it only needed two people to run. I wanted to be that second person, but I had no idea if he’d choose me. I felt that little insecurity because we hadn’t talked out any arrangements, but I knew to just keep at it.

   

  

   

  We didn’t talk much as we worked. We just shared comfortable silences and smiles in the shared labor. It was a sunny clinic with lots of white and pale blue. We’d sit side-by-side on the reception counter when we took breaks, just feeling our muscles ache and smiling at our progress. He never questioned my presence, but neither did he invite me to be a more permanent part of it. I knew I needed to tell him my idea, but I felt shy.

   

  Hope grew in me. It wasn’t just hope for a vocation and a business, but hope for a future with this man who felt so comfortable to be around.

   

  After a few days of comfortable silence and hard labor, we didn’t climb the reception counter for a break. We lay down on the floor near each other, silent, cleaning supplies strewn near us on the cool floor. Then I woke up from the dream. I’d been laying next to him on that cool floor, playing with his hair.

   

  

   

  When I woke up, I was horrified. How could I, a happily married woman, be dreaming the angst of a single girl?! I was mad at myself for having hoped for a future with this young vet in the dream. I was mad at myself for having played with his hair.

   

  I could still feel the tingle of his fine, sandy brown hair on my fingers.

   

  Wait.

   

  I knew that feel.

   

  It was Steve! That was Steve’s hair! That was Steve in the dream, the young vet. That was me in that dream, had life taken a different path.

   

  It was time to rejoice because, in that instant, God showed me something amazing. What he showed me was that He brought Steve and me together. He did it. He worked with us, just as we were. And no matter what decisions we’d made along the way, he still would have brought us together.

   

  It doesn’t matter that Steve is a pilot. He could have been a vet. Or anything else. And it doesn’t matter that I chose to be a teacher. I could have been a lawyer or a secretary or a vet tech. God still would have brought Steve and me together. It was his plan.

   

  Monday night, after dinner, Steve and I were sitting on the couch in comfortable silence. I asked him, “Steve, did you ever want to be a vet when you were younger?”

   

  “Yes,” he said.

   

  I smiled and told him about the dream.

   

  To all the single people out there: DON’T STRESS. There’s no decision you can make or path you can choose that will thwart God’s plans for you. His plans are good. They are loving and life giving. Relax. You’re in His hands!

   

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